coolauntBBW

Hello, fellow buddy-slimmers! I’m finally back online as of last week. So why haven’t I been on this site during that time, you ask? Because I’ve been on vacation! Tomorrow is the last day of my 10 days off. It’s going to suck going back to work, but I’ve had a great time while off.

How have I been a bad girl? Well, during my vacation, my diet was only a vague concept. In point of fact, I’ve eaten just about anything that didn’t move! I’ve had biscuits…white flour, very bad, but very tasty. But what I’ve really been pigging out on is sweets. Holy cow, have I!

But, somehow, today when I got on the scale I had actually LOST a pound! I don’t know how that happened, but I thank the Lord for small miracles. Maybe because of all the walking David and I did in Gatlinburg yesterday. Or maybe some of the other “exercise” activities we engaged in. And maybe the eating the wrong things finally knocked me off the plateau I’ve been on for the last few weeks.

It doesn’t really matter how it happened. What matters is that my body had gotten so used to healthy food that I’ve felt miserable eating things I shouldn’t be eating. That will make it that much easier to get back on the wagon Sunday…when I go back to work. And I have to get back into exercising. I had to miss 8 weeks because of a stress fracture in my foot, and even then it still had a knot and still hurt, but I made myself get out and walk. Of course I only got 3 days in before it began monsooning. I could have swam around the park instead of walking!

I’m just glad to be back, and now I can started reading the blogs again and keeping up with everyone. I hope you’ve all been doing well. And I promise to be a better buddy from now on.

I’ve attached a recent photo. Not a good pic, just taken with a phone, but I wanted you to see the new retro glasses and the new hair.

Hey, guys. Just wanted you to know that I’m still living…if you can call it that without my internet. *sniff sniff* With my work and sleep schedule being what they are, I don’t have that much time to get to the library for computer time. I hate that I miss out on reading the blogs of all my buddies. Right now it’s looking like it might be September before I’m back online at home. But I WILL be online at home! I just wanted y’all to know I’m thinking about you. 

Now, in other news, I’ve reached another goal. Not a weight-loss goal, per se, but a personal goal. Two years ago I bought this blouse that I absolutely LOVED. Well, of course the darned thing wouldn’t fit me. Imagine that. But I refused to take it back and I refused to give it away. I vowed that someday I WOULD wear that blouse!

Well, guess what? I can wear it now! And it looks great on me. In fact, I wore it when David and I went out to eat Tuesday, and one of the first things out of his mouth was how much he liked the blouse and how good I looked in it. Gotta love a man who knows just what to say even without knowing what it would mean to you before he said it.

I’m trying really hard not to buy any new clothes right now. Especially summer clothes. After all, there’s not that much summer left, and I have no way of knowing what size I will be wearing next summer.

I have this one pair of jeans that were a little big on me before I started losing weight. Now? The suckers almost fell off me the other day! And that’s saying something to fall off me with my butt. But I’m not giving them up just yet. Instead I put darts in them. But I wore them to work last night and realized I’m going to have to remove the darts and put in bigger ones. Yay! And some of my tops I’m having to pin to my bra straps to keep them from falling off my shoulders. God, I love this! LOL.

I have a feeling I’m going to be hitting places like Goodwill soon. Right now it wouldn’t be wise to invest in new clothing. Not while I’m still losing. And I WILL continue to lose! With the help of my buddies I’m staying the course, and I thank you all for the support.

God bless!

When I walk, if I’m not talking to Danny (on the Bluetooth, of course), then I’m listening to my mp3 player. I noticed this morning that I tend to walk differently according to what song I’m listening to. Does anyone else do that?

This morning I started out with “Pussy Control” by Prince. I was moving at a pretty good pace, but I had this funky little swagger. I picked up the pace even more for “Bodies” by Drowning Pool. I gained quite a twist to my walk with “When I Grow Up” by the Pussy Cat Dolls. Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” slowed me just a little bit in the beginning, but by the end I was having to control myself from banging my head. I can’t help it, I always see the Wayne and Garth scene these days when I hear it. With “Another One Bites The Dust” I was walking like someone on a mission. Rehab’s “Bartender” allowed me to slow down and cool off. But then came Ricky Martin’s “Living La Vida Loca.” I must say I made it up the hill in record time, and I just barely managed not to shimmy and shake all the way up! LOL.

Yesterday afternoon while getting ready for work, I caught sight of myself…nekkid…in the full-length mirror. That’s almost enough to turn me off Jell-O. Santa’s jelly-belly has nothing on me!

Is there such a thing as perpetual PMS? Considering I’ve been having it for THREE weeks and have yet to start! Argh! The bad part is it’s making me want to eat WAY too much! Father Nature can be such a butthead.

But it’s not just the PMS that’s making me want to eat. Come on, I love food. Otherwise I would never have gotten this big.

One of the problems is that I’m still without internet at home, so I’m not able to get to this site that often and read the blogs. You have no idea how much the support I find here helps me. Reading about my buddies problems and hoping I can offer some word of encouragement is something I enjoy and miss. Having y’all offer words of encouragement back when I’m having issues helps even more.

I want my internet back! It sucks having money issues.

The woman at work who got mad because I wouldn’t take her candy? She’s something else. I’m still trying to figure out just what that is. Someone had suggested that she was jealous that I’m losing weight and might get hotter than her. The thing is, I already have to put up with jealousy from her. She has such self-esteem issues that she can’t stand it if a man doesn’t like her. She wants to be the center of the male universe and can’t understand why she isn’t, why some men would prefer someone of my size. Well, get this. Last week one of the drivers who came in was looking at my badge and asked my name. A little while later he came back in from his truck and gave me something. He had taken copper and made it into a heart with the name JANE inside it. It was so cool! One of my friends was kidding me saying he had made it for her because Jane is her middle name. When she tried to get the other one to come in and look at it, she refused. She kept trying to get her, but she wouldn’t come in. When she did have to come into my office, she  was going to open a new box of paper towels, but the whole time, she was eying my name as it sat on my desk as if she could punch it. She WAS punching the box. I thought she was going to break her hand she was hitting it so hard! How sad is it that that you’re jealous because some guy you don’t even know does something nice for someone who isn’t you?

I lost one of my best friends because of jealousy, but that’s a story for another time.

My clothes have been fitting really weirdly lately. Of course they’re getting baggy. Some of them really, REALLY baggy. But the other night I wore my denim capris. It was strange because they were fitting tight around the calf and they never had before. And then it hit me. With the walking I’ve been doing, my calves are getting muscular and firm again. Wow! That was a revelation. And this morning the shirt I put on before going to the park to walk, I kept pulling at it because it kept sliding back. And then it hit me. This shirt used to be tight, and now it’s so baggy it won’t stay in place. Whoo hoo! So even though I’ve hit a stinking plateau again, I’m still losing inches. In fact, just last night the one woman at work with the same middle name as mine, asked how much more I’d lost. I said none, that I was at a standstill, and she said it looks like I’ve lost more. That made me feel better about the whole not-losing-thing.

Last week I managed to up my walking days. Instead of three days a week, now I’m walking six days a week. It started out just trying to make up for the week I lost with the bad back, but I’m finding I like walking everyday…even though my knees and ankles complain. But considering I’ve been putting off surgery on my knee since 1985 and I have degenerative disease in my joints, I think they have a right to complain. But I ignore them as best I can. The walking is good for me, physcially and mentally.

Well, I think that’s enough randomness for now. Just a little bit of catch-up for the two weeks I’ve been AWOL. I have more thoughts swirling around in my head, but I need to stop making all your heads spin and go check my email.

I miss you guys!

Yesterday was full of bad ideas on my part.

First bad idea for Tuesday: getting down on the floor to use my Pilates cords for an ab workout with a hurt back.

Second bad idea for Tuesday: going to the park to walk…with a bad back. I usually do four laps of the lake and one trek up the hill, and it takes me 40 minutes. Yesterday I made it two laps around the lake and once up the hill…in 44 minutes. It’s bad when the old people who look like they are out for a leisurely stroll pass you by.

Third bad idea for Tuesday: not popping an ibuprofen before the attempt at walking. Needless to say, all night at work my back was giving me hell for my idiocy yesterday morning.

On the plus side, I’ve managed to stay off the scales since Friday. That’s a first for me. Only now I’m not so sure it’s a good thing. Now I’m constantly worrying that I’m eating too much, that I’m going to step on the scales on Friday and the numbers will jump up.

Guilt, guilt, guilt. How can I worry and feel guilty for staying off the scales when I’ve worked so hard to keep myself off them? Is this the Southern Baptist version of Catholic guilt? I guess Friday will tell the true tale.

But I also have to remember that I’m PMSing. Father Nature is due any day, so of course I’m bloating. And I’m not able to keep up my normal exercise routine till the back gets better.

Okay, someone smack me and stop this rambling. I’m going now.

I was so looking forward to this week. Why? Because David and I were going to get to see each other twice. Twice in the same week! Today is the last day of my 5 days off and our normal day together. Thursday I’m taking off from work and he’s coming down, too, so we can go to a book signing by Dr Bass here at the library in the town where I live. This is Dr Bass, the world’s leading forensic anthropologist who has the Body Farm at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville.

I started out by straining my back some time last night while cleaning. I think I did it when I moved the coffee table to clean under it. I move it all the time, but I think I bent wrong when doing it this time. But I didn’t realize it till later. So I finally get to bed around 2:00 AM with plans to get up at 6:00 AM so I can be at the park when it opens at 7:00 AM to walk. Well, my cat decided I didn’t need more than 2 hours of sleep, so I was not a happy camper about the horny toad not letting me sleep. And then when I got up I realized my back was hurt and I couldn’t go walking.

And from there the day went downhill.

I knew David had had a death call on Saturday. Not a problem. He got up early this morning and got the death certificate to the medical examiner at 10:00 AM for her to sign. She had an autopsy early this morning but should have signed it after that.

So he called me at noon. He was still waiting for it to be signed. No problem. If she could get it signed, he could get the certificate to the health department and the body to the crematory and still be on his way by 2:30.

At 2:45 he called and said, ”Darlin’, we’ve been screwed by the medical examiner.” He was STILL waiting for the certificate to be signed! Not to mention he had a decomposing body on his hands.

He called me just around 6:15. He had finally gotten the certificate signed and made it to the health department…15 minutes before they closed. He was on his way back from the crematory at that time.

So much for our plans of seeing each other twice this week. With my luck he’ll have another call on Thursday. Whaaaa!

And I had made chicken crepes and was making chocolate fondue with sliced apples for dessert. Yes, I know chocolate has a lot of calories, but I had only eaten a cup of cereal for breakfast and a small apple and a stick of light string cheese for lunch. Besides, I’m PMSing. Which, come to think of it, might be why my back is hurting. It’s always the week before when I’m sleepy and have a backache and am bloated.

I’ll find out if crepes freeze well. I could have cooked them and eaten them, but I wanted to make a special meal, so I put them in the freezer and will cook them on Thursday. The sauce will be fine in the refrigerator till then, and the toasted almonds will be fine wrapped in foil as they are. I even had sweet potatoes peeled and cubed and put in the steamer bag waiting to be cooked. And green beans ready to steam as well.

Needless to say, he was very upset. As was I. But, I know it’s his business, and I have to live with it. And he reminded me that at this same time last year we had our plans torpedoed by a call. At least, as he said, we’ll have Thursday.

But one thing about it, I was proud of myself. With my disappointment I could have really pigged out and gone on a binge, but I didn’t. I ate a grilled hamburger patty with 7 grain pasta and balsamic vinegar and a salad. The amazing part is that I didn’t even feel the URGE to binge. Maybe I’m conquering the whole emotional eating habit.

And I managed to get a little bit of a workout in. I did about 15 minutes on the Gazelle, a hundred bicep curls and a hundred overhand wrist curls. I’ll do some more of the weights when I get home. Since I’m here at the library instead of snuggled up in bed. And now I won’t even have the internet to keep me busy tonight at home.

Guess I can get busy cleaning that front room that I’ve been putting off so long. Yuck!

Well, I finally did it. I went one whole day without stepping on the scales. And you know what? The world didn’t end, fire didn’t shoot out of the heavens, my head didn’t explode. And now I’ve made it another half day. Wish me luck that I can manage to stay off them till weigh-in day.

Well, it’s weekly weigh-in time. I have to admit I was surprised at my results this week. But pleasantly so. I expected a loss of 2 pounds, but instead when I stepped on the scales just a little while ago, I had lost 4 pounds! Whoo hoo! Not only did I get a green star, but I also met my first mini goal. And I’m 1 pound towards the next mini goal. The mini goals, I think, really help. It’s easier to think in terms of a 25 pound weight loss instead of a 150 pound weight loss. It seems easier to achieve in that way. Wish I’d tried it years ago.

And fortunately I’m off tonight so I was able to come straight to the library and post my weigh-in results, since I am still without internet. I know I will never catch up on blogs, but know that I’m thinking about all my buddies and wishing you the best of luck, even if I’m not able to check on you everyday or every other day.

And best of luck to you all on your weigh-in!

I’m not referring to my weight or my body size. I’m talking about my body in general. In one of my earlier blogs I said my body is weird.

You just have no idea HOW weird.

Here’s just a few examples. When I was 12, one of my brothers was killed by a drunk driver. I was trying to be strong for my mother because she needed me. The doctor got it into his head that I needed something to calm me. I thought I was putting up a very brave front. But he was of the old school that you medicated everyone. So he gave me a 1mg Valium. Yes, just 1mg. Instead of chilling me out, however, it had exactly the opposite effect. I got so tense and was climbing the walls…almost literally…and might have strangled someone if they’d pissed me off. It was at this point in my life that I decided I wouldn’t take any meds unless they were absolutely necessary.

Caffeine has it’s own strange effect. It doesn’t stimulate me and hype me up. Oh, no, no, no. Instead it puts me to sleep and will even make me itch if I get too much and make my face go numb.

Antibiotics. What can those do to a person, you say? Well let me tell you what they do to me. They make me so hormonal it isn’t even funny. When I’m several days into them it hits. And during those times I can cry for NO REASON AT ALL! When I say no reason, I mean NO REASON. Like the time I saw a woman walking down the street and just burst into tears. God I hated that, and I don’t take them unless absolutely necessary.

Zantac and Tums. I pretty much have a cast iron stomach. I will on ocassion get a stomach virus, but I rarely have an upset stomach. There have been 4, maybe 5 times in my entire life. Once I had a Zantac and the other times I had Tums. The effect? They knocked me out on my ass! Yes, they put me right to sleep. Jeez, Louise.

Morphine has no effect on me. Torodal, which is basically a pumped up ibuprofen, will put me right out. I’m allergic to birth control. I’m allergic to Clariton. Yes, I’m allergic to an allergy pill. Aleve will do nothing for pain but will make me meaner than hell.

When I had my surgery, my blood work came back positive for pregnancy. Not once but TWICE! Thank God the quantitative was negative so I didn’t have any tumors. They never did find out why it kept coming up positive. I told the doctor it wasn’t happening unless it was the hand of God because I hadn’t been exposed!

Those are just some examples.

So what has me gritting my teeth at my weird body now? I know most everyone has either read or watched something about colon cleansing. After reading an article and watching a video they did on the Today Show, I decided to try it. Of course at $88.00 for a one month supply, plus $5.95 shipping and handling, I didn’t stand a chance of getting any. But there on the article and video of the Today Show, where they were rating the 50 plus they had tested, the one they said was the best was having a special offer to get one month free and all you pay is shipping and handling. I was actually able to swing the $5.95.

So I got the pills Monday and started them Tuesday morning because I was off Tuesday and Wednesday. They had begun working my friend Danny within the next day.

And do you think Nature Cleanse worked for me in the same way?

Hell, no! Just the opposite. I had never been constipated in my life, but now, NOW, it’s been 5 days on the pills that are specifically designed to clean the built up gunk in my body away, and I’ve had only 2 small bowel movements.

Argh! Sometimes I want to scream. I like being different in most ways, but not in a lot of the ways my body reacts.

Of course the fact that I’ve never had a migraine…and they run in my family…is a good aspect of being different. In fact, I don’t get headaches except for sinus headaches. Maybe my head is too hard. I don’t know. I just know it can be frustrating trying something new when you never know how you will react to it.

And now on a different note, not a ranting note. I want to wish all my buddies a good weekend. I will be without internet at home for possibly as long as two weeks. Like most people these days, money issues. But I will try to get here to the library as much as my schedule will permit.

Everyone take care and God bless and forgive me for missing your blogs while I’m MIA.

Why is it that when you’re dieting, there are always friends and family who try to sabotage you? And is it something subconscious on their part or is it deliberate?

Weekend before last I saw one of my sisters. She asked if I’d lost some of the weight I’d gained back. I said yes. She said, good, don’t gain it back again. Excuse me?!? Like I WANTED to in the first place? All that conversation did was to piss me off. But I didn’t come home and eat. Instead I came home and exercised.

Last Friday was the birthday of one of the women in my department at work. Thursday night at midnight her boyfriend brought her a big bag of Hersheys Kisses, plain and with almonds. So what does she do after lunch? She comes into my office and pours them out on my desk for anyone who wants them! Can you believe that? But I was good and didn’t even touch one.

Last night the same woman came in with a bag of candy and offered me some. I said no, thank you. She said it’s just hard candy. I said I know, but that I’m not eating anything with sugar. That seemed to piss her off, but I don’t care. Why would she keep offering me candy when she KNOWS I’m not eating it?

And I’m wondering if she does it deliberately. Why would I think that? There have been many times when she talks about men. She’s one of these women who HAS to have a man in her life. But the times I’m referring to, she would make comments and wonder why men either wanted skinny women or a big woman like me but not someone like her who is average. Excuse the hell out of me! Maybe it’s your attitude that keeps them away. And the fact that you’re living with a guy. Although that hasn’t kept her from screwing around on him. He just doesn’t know it.

But I won’t let people like that get me down. I won’t let them best me or throw me off course with their sabotage…whether it is intentional or unintentional. I will be strong.

As the title says, I have the best gentleman friend ever…at least in my opinion. And, yes, I’ve heard it before…if he’s still a gentleman, he’s not doing it right. Wrong! I just prefer to call him that because at my age, saying “boy”friend somehow makes me feel a bit weird. When I was seeing the 19 year old, then I could have used the term.

Our personalities mesh so well that in the time we’ve been together (over a year), we’ve never had an argument, a fight or a cross word between us. Huh, I didn’t know that was possible.

When I told him I was trying to eat right and exercise, he didn’t say, good, you need it. Nor has he tried to sabotage me like so many men do. Instead, everyday when we talk, he asks how it’s going, and when I tell him, he says I’m doing great and he’s proud of me.

The only problem is that because we live an hour and a half apart and with our schedules being what they are and him being on call 24/7, we only get to see each other once every 3 weeks. Bummer. There have been a few times when we’ve managed to sneak in another day, but that doesn’t happen often.

And my awareness of what goes in my mouth these days has seemed to have an effect on him, as well. When he called this afternoon, after asking how the diet and exercise were going, he said he had sat down for a mid-afternoon snack of a pack of peanuts and a Sprite. After eating it he looked at the nutrition information and was astounded that that little pack of peanuts was 300 calories. Yep, because they are the kind roasted in oil. Yummy, but raw or dry roasted are much better for you. And he said he didn’t even dare look at the Sprite after that. LOL.

Last Monday when we got to go out, I expected him to order the fried cheese sticks like we always do. And I would have eaten one. Okay, okay, I would have eaten two. Not going to lie. But he didn’t order them. I ordered a grilled chicken and portabella on a whole wheat bun that came with fresh fruit and was counted as, I believe, 7 points on the Weight Watchers point scale. Not being familiar with WW, I’m not sure how that translates, but I figured it was better than anything else on the menu.

And what did he get? He ordered the oriental chicken wrap that he loves so much, but instead of getting fries, he asked them to substitute the fresh fruit. Good for him! He didn’t have to. I wouldn’t have cared. I’m not a big fry person anyway. But he didn’t. It seems that my change in eating habits has made him aware of what he’s eating as well.

We both ate only half of our food and boxed the rest up for later. Although I have to admit, by the time he left my place, we were both famished and reaching for our leftovers! Heehee.